Too many thoughts all at once

In the blink of an eye, the truth seemed to dawn on me. The variegated nature of
a life led so far in perfect harmony with the external world. I speak, ofcourse,
about myself. But where do I start? Let me see now....let me start at the
beginning.

I always thought that Indians have an uncontrolable urge to be in front.
Figuratively and literally as well, if you might have observed while waiting at
a traffic signal, every single driver endeavours to squeeze in the small space,
just a few feet ahead, and in doing so, satisfies his/her urge to get ahead. Of
what you may ask? The perfect beauty of it lies in the fact that he/she is
inching forward for the sake of being in front of the person behind. Penny wise
and pound foolish is all I can say.

My mind races. And I am faced by my mother who gives me my first lesson in
getting ahead. "Make sure you sit in the first row in class. Otherwise, you will
not be able to hear what the teacher says and she will not be able to see you."
And sitting right in front was an honour that our teacher used to confer on the
bright alecs of the class.

We also have an urge to defy. The way historians have glorified the concept of
civil disobedience in our struggle for independence has had a profound impact on
our society. It has become a norm rather than a last resort and the last time I
defied anything, it felt really good. But that also brings me to the problem of
concensus-building in a democracy where every individual has a mind of his own.
It is a marvel that we manage to agree on anything at all! And to lead such a
diverse group of people is in itself an achievement, one that I give due credit
for, to the leaders of our country.

On the question of beliefs, I just realised how tied-down we are in our own
superstitions. It is a paranoia that has been handed to us as a legacy. I blame
it on our lack of education. How else can one explain the importance of Thursday
over Monday or Tuesday? And what is it with Tuesdays and Saturdays anyway? I was
born on a Saturday, have always enjoyed my Saturdays, have never been jinxed,
cursed, hexed because I cut my nails or hair or shaved on a Tuesday. The
dividing line between the literate and the educated is becoming clearer now. And
why can't we defy this legacy of ours?

We also have an urge to revere. From making temples for film stars to honouring
PhDs. with the highest office of our country, we do it all. From blind faith in
the multitude of gurus to heinous massacre of hundreds on the basis of religion,
we have seen it all. I have always wondered if I could make a Hindu angry by
saying that I mistook him for a Muslim. I wonder if, even a small statement
like, "you look so much like a muslim friend of mine" to a Hindu would offend
him. Deep inside, it probably would because if we look closely, there is a look
that many of us endeavour to maintain that identifies us with the flock. It is a
basic instinct that makes us form communities. And whether it be the vermilion
on our foreheads or the goatees or even modification in our bodies, all of it
seeks to provide identity and allegience to a community. We are probably too
afraid to be just as we are.

We also lack discipline. That is probably, without doubt, the greatest regret of
this country. We can never follow lanes while driving. We can never keep our
trains running on time. We always take the other person's time for granted. No
wall in the city is spared from dogs and men alike.

But what we do not realise is that discipline is so strongly related to our
freedom. Once we lose discipline, we lose a bit of freedom as well. Because we
are not disciplined in our adherence to traffic rules, we lose the freedom of
managing our time and angrily condemn the government for not making wider roads
and enforcing traffic rules. Because we seek to make every erect wall in the
city a urinal, we lose the freedom of taking a stroll in the city on foot
without drinking in draughts of ammonia.

Finally, though our Prime Minister has said that we are the largest democracy
and a responsible nuclear power we are also one of the slowest and most
lethargic nations and all for our own idiosyncracies. Again, I must say, it is a
marvel that we have reached thus far at all. Hats off to Hind!