Friday, September 09, 2005

The Round Truth

It was but just a look round the table and I was overwhelmed by my sheer lack of exercise. In not too abstract terms, it was made very clear to me that in a few years, maybe one or two, I shall forever carry a round, rotund and hopefully not too jelly-like, belly. A circle of richness round the table and I to break that circle, almost an outcast. Though I might add, I do have a great potential and a talent to add to the midsection.

And there started my new resolution to look like a willow. As a start, I decided to eat less.

The lesser I ate, the more miserable I got. Not that I fancied food very much or that I was almost always hungry. It was just the fact that I was eating less, somehow, not a comforting thing at all. As long as I am not reminded of the fact that I am on a diet, I can manage just fine. But one cannot forget when one is making an effort. Call it paranoia or my imagination. But truly speaking, I am comfortable to have abundance around me and sometimes, occasionally, in me. Finally, after many losing-to-temptations to eat and having severe guilt pangs afterwards, I have hit upon one of the greatest truths of life...one that has taken me closer to renouncing the 'Maya' of having a sculptured Greek god body...we must eat to live happily. Uninhibited indulgence of the palate leads to supreme peace.

Then I decided to balance what I ate with what I did so that Hall and Knight would be happy. The equation would balance.

So what if I had eggs for breakfast, I shall eat only rasam rice for lunch. If I succumbed to the temptation of pineapple cake, on the last Friday of a month, I would spend a lot of energy worrying about it and then after a completely depressing weekend, wherein having walked for two kilometres and eaten very less and feeling fatter still, I would have one of the severest rebounds the next Monday. The rest is a vicious circle. You see, equations that have a solution will balance out!!! That is the second greatest truth. That good and bad, cause and effect and abundance and starvation are just two variables on either side of a balanced equation. Oh yes, I might add that when I return from the cafeteria with a packet of my favourite, sweetened, water melon juice, I also take the stairs. They might not balance in the calorific sense, I do agree. But those who make this argument are not aware of their spiritual selves. In my spiritual dimension, they do balance out just fine.

A fast a week keeps the flab away.

And I could not be more wrong. But then why not. I chose my favourite god and fasted on the corresponding day of the week. Though Hindus have innumerable gods, my favoutite is quite the powerful one and has a complete day of the week. After a series of hunger pangs and headaches and yearnings for food, I realised God was indeed there and therein I realised, through hungry meditations that there exists a spiritual dimension of existence where everyone fat and thin are equal. So what can a few extra kilograms do. Eat away!

Today.

I inch closer to attaining the dimensions required by the brotherhood of the table. Many at that table have tried in vain to keep me out. Some have also expressed their desire to get away from that table. But what do they know. Fat or thin, the battle of the bulge will wage forever. Just as I take note of a particular someone, very slim and becoming, sailing past me, I also notice the tiny chicken salad bowl in that person's tiny hand. I sigh as I sit down to a hearty meal, shake my head and revel in the peace of my great understanding in matters relating to the round, rotund truth.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Tele Tubbies

Don Bosco square is the hub of student activity in Shillong. Positioned at the foot of the statue of St. Don Bosco, one can see imposing hills all round. There is the hill going up to the Upper New Colony where we have the St. Mary's and St. Margaret's convents. On a busy school day, one is treated to quite a chatter as one passses by that road.

Immediately touching the square is the St. Anthony's School and College, the largest in Shillong and run by the Salesian congregation. But looking up, across the street, away from St. Mary's and St. Anthony's, one see a large football field and beyond that, a gently sloping hill, lush green with a flight of concrete steps snaking its way to the top, where a group of pines effectively hides the beyond. St. Edmund's lies beyond. But that can be another story.

So, when the respective bells ring at 3:00 pm everyday, there is a sudden burst of activity all around. The pony tails start appearing first. In twos and sometimes in groups of chattering, excited faces. Then the light blue coats start appearing next. Anthonians, large and small and very excited. It is after some time that the Edmundians appear in the square. Green blazers and neatly geled hair. In a short while, the square is transformed to what St. Don Bosco would have loved to see in his lifetime...happy and excited faces of children rushing back home after a day's toil in their classrooms.

Just next to the square, off the road, there is a small compound at the end of which is a small stationery shop. Sitting by the steps leading to the shop, one can see a small group of girls playing hop-scotch. Among them is a rosy cheeked girl with two long plaits. She is wearing a light blue pleated gym tunic and over that a dark blue cardigan. In her hand is a packet of potato wafers that she has just bought. The girls are waiting for their school bus. Let us call this little girl Po. Po munched her wafers deep in thought. She was not interested in the game today. She was wondering with all the might of her little brain. She had not been given her report card today. What might the reason be? Deep inside she knew but hoped nevertheless. Miss had called her mother. Mother would not be happy to come all that way, especially when she was busy with the Pulse Polio Immunization camp. She thought and thought and did not even see the group of college girls that had surrounded her. Lala, her sister and her friends had just completed their lab work and had come to see Lala and Po off.

It is a fact widely accepted that women hate younger women. Yet it is a marvel that they show the greatest affection to the youngest of their kind. Such was the affection that Lala's friends showered on Po. Po was only half way up the tallest of Lala's friends. And they liked to make her sing her rhymes and spoiled her terribly with candy and chocolates and ribbons and such other trinkets which govern the whims of the greater part of a woman's life.

"Hey you, where's your report card?", Lala demanded of Po.

No answer. Lala smelt a rat at once.

"Oh I see."

Two large drops materilized on either cheek. The small pudgy hand came out of the packet of wafers with a wafer. But it stopped. The head drooped and one of the plaits rolled off her shoulder and fell in front.

Lala became the criminal at once. Strong words of condemnation followed from her friends. Even Orko was shocked and gave Lala the fierciest look of his life. Between sobs and wiping of tears on the sleeves and stolen licks, now and then, at her salted finger tips, Po related the sad story of how she had not been given her report card because Miss wanted to meet mother. How, Asangla and Renu had already got their cards and in it both had failed. How they had cried through lunch time so that she had not eaten her favourite sandwiches that mother had prepared specially for her, with lots of peanut butter and crushed dry nuts.

Lala considered the case of her small sister with some thought. If she had not got her report card, it probably meant that there were fees due. That she could pay and spare the poor child the ordeal of wondering what her marks were.

"OK don't cry. We'll go and talk to Miss Helen". And a general round of acquiescence cheered the whole group. Po was relieved that mother would not love her less, now that Lala would take care of things. And Lala was hoping that she could get a loan from mother for saving her the trouble of a visit to Po's school and a long discussion with Miss Helen. Maybe she'd ask for her diamond ear rings for her next class party. The others were happy for various reasons. One, they had something else to do than return home immediately. They also wanted to see why Po did not get her marksheet.

Lala knocked on Miss Helen's door. The teacher had just about completed her after school chores and was about to leave for the day.

"Come in", she shouted.

The grownups thought it best to leave Orko with Po and meet the teacher with the matter of the denied report card. So, in marched Lala and two of her friends, leaving Orko and Po outside, on the corridor.

Miss Helen looked up and seeing the big girls, smiled. One of them, she remembered, was her student. They exchanged greetings and then her student came to the matter of the report card.

"This is my friend Lala. Her sister is in your class. She has come to collect her sister's report card".

"Oh, I see", said Miss Helen. "Only two girls did not collect their report cards today. You must be Piyali's sister".

"No, Po".

Miss Helen considered Lala with some concentration. Then bit her lip. Then got up and went over to her cupboard and brought out the light blue report card with the Margaret's emblem on it and handed it over to Lala.

Lala opened the card. One single glance and her brow tightened. She passed it on to her friend whose brow tightened too. Then after what seemed like a long pause, which is what it seems like in such situations, whereas barely ten seconds might have passed, Lala found her voice.

"Surely, Miss, there must be an explanation. I have myself trained her and have worked hard to make her improve".

Again Miss Helen rose, without a word, and reaching out far into her cabinet, she brought out a sheaf of papers, single lined.

"Even if I were to give marks for the handwriting, I am afraid, there should have been more to sample than what Po decided to put down", she said.

Lala felt the blood rush to her cheeks. Her friends looked glum. Outside, Po and Orko were making faces at each other. Orko was teaching her his latest grimace, one where you pull your ears, stick out your tongue and roll your eyes at the same time.

The door opened. "Thank you miss", Po heard her sister say. Miss Helen made a remark at which Lala laughed. There was shaking of hands and all three trooped out.

"Well, I never...", said Lala's friend. "My teacher too..", she gasped. "Lala, this is an outrage. I am sorry dearie".

Lala was not saying anything. Her other friend gave Orko a nudge so that he held his tongue. Taking hold of a protesting Po, she marched unceremoniously out of the school. She said nothing all the way in the school bus. She barely listened to Po's complaints and failed attempts at faking road sickness. She was thinking. Atleast mother did not have to suffer the embarassment she had just had.

At home, mother considered the case with a grim countenance. Lala made a very good case of how mother spoilt Po and never let her handle her(Po) sometimes. Mother, in her wise way said, "She will learn Lala. Just like you did."

Po hugged mother and promised to try harder. Mother kissed her two little girls and thought of the hugh task she had infront of her. She wondered how her two elder children were doing, far away, on their jobs. In the quiet autumn evening of Shillong, she wondered when she would see her four at the same place again. In her heart, she prayed a silent prayer.