To 'Jeej' or not to 'Jeej'

"I completely hate him. Poor Pumpy!" Lala announced as soon as she stepped into the house. I was reading and Tipsy was munching. Po was sucking up to Tipsy. She wanted a blue, sorry, turquoise set to go with her blue, sorry, aquamarine dress that was to be the dress for her high school farewell party. Of course, no one bothered with Lala's epiphany because it was after all Lala. And we had got used to her announcements.

"I hate her" - when she had a fight with her best friend, whom Mom had invited to next week's birthday party. Ofcourse, now she was expected not to come even though the invitation stood. Mom would laugh behind her back and I would announce and Lala would be very upset and...well that is another story.

But I was interested to know whom Lala hated now. So I looked up from my book and asked her, "You mean her husband?"

"That stupid man. Poor Pumpy!"

Pumpy was her on and off best friend who had had the tenacity of surviving Lala's swinging favours. I attribute it to their extremely different natures. Pumpy was plump, Lala was actually thin. Pumpy loved food. Lala loved to hate it. Pumpy loved her husband. Lala hated him for her sake.

"Why must you say that. All marriages have compromises. Look at Dudley and me. Marriage is about compromise." Tipsy was being eloquent.

Po nodded her head to agree with Tipsy. Po would agree with anything Tipsy said that evening. She had much at stake.

"You! What are you nodding at?"

"I have my opinions. Right to freedom of opinions follows from right to freedom of speech and expression. It is my fundamental right. We studied in Civics and Miss Deepa says that...."

"Shut up. And you. You are not married to a loser. I mean, I do have my reservations about Dudley but overall he is not bad."

"I know", I said. "If only it was not for his family and the related family values".

"What do you mean?" Tipsy was getting hot.

Po glared at me with all her might. Mom had a distressed look on her face. Lala had changed into comfortable clothes from her high heels and tight jeans. Amazing how comfortable clothes made women more objective.

"I feel that he is nice. Ok. He has a bad sense of humour and he asked my the price of my dress in public. But that is Dudley. This guy is horrid. Poor Pumpy!"

Tipsy had stopped munching. She was ready to explode. Luckily, she had forgotten my remark about the values.

"What does she mean by saying no sense of humour. You guys never approved of him and never will. But atleast you can say it in his face and not behind his back."

"I am telling his better half. No point appealing to the worser half."

I suppressed my laughter. Oh, I would give anything to get the girls to fight.

"Wipe that smirk off! What's so great about our family values? You have some nerve. In his community, the bride's brother is all humble and manners."

"Yeah. So that the family can have a foot rest. Sorry I do not qualify as a stool or support."

Mom was listening so far. Now she was really upset. "Don't speak to your brother like that."

"And Dudley? Isn't he your son too?"

"Yes he is. I never denied that. But you should not expect your brother to be like north Indian brothers."

There was silence for a while. I was back into my book. Tipsy started munching again. But this time she was doing it with a vengeance. Lala was on the phone with her other friend. I call her Lanky because she is all arms and legs. She is also Lala's backup. Lanky always agreed with Lala and Lala considered her her true friend because of this. They had spent the entire day with Pumpy and in the evening when Pumpy got a call from her husband, they were in the middle of Lanky's love affair with her neighbour's son whom lanky's parent's would never approve of and neither would the boy's. As good neighbours, Lanky's mom did not get along with the boy's father.

Pumpy had to leave and Lanky felt betrayed, especially since they were meeting after such a long time and that too just when she was about to cry. She had planned to tell them about her break-up date a week before and break down. The flow was ruined and Pumpy's husband became a villain. They dispersed and agreed to meet the following week. But it was official. Lala and Lanky hated Pumpy's husband.

"So then we shall go to Plaza. I saw this really good set. It is perfect..."

"Po please don't bother me now. Take your brother for shopping. Or Lala. I am too tired."

"But you promised. And you think brother will let me buy what I want. He will get me the Hippy stuff. And Lala will fight with the shopkeeper...Oh Tipsy, I have to live here and more importantly shop here. I cannot afford that."

I looked up. Tipsy was in a cold war mood. Mom had already given me a few dirty looks. Like all doting moms, she considered it her birth right to glare at her son and glare at everyone else who dared glare at her son. Po was in a panic. And for the first time in the history of the Koch family, she beat Tipsy to tears.

It started as two large drops on either cheek. Then sobs. And then, not getting the attention her precious tears demanded, she started speaking to herself between sobs. It cannot be described. It can only be experienced. It sounds like she was being strangled while giving a speech.

Then of course, Tipsy started sobbing. Which is nothing new but with half the women in the house sobbing, one cannot call it peaceful or one cannot ignore it. Lala pacified Po first. It was easy. She took out 200 rupees from her purse and gave it to Po. Po lightened up at once. He only last complaint was that no one was going to take her shopping and she was going to look all mismatched anyway.

I offered, feebly. It resulted in Po wailing out louder as if I might have suggested she go drown somewhere. I then offered to pay for a new pair of shoes with the condition that she was not going to wear everything blue. "After all", I said, "You cannot afford to look like Dudley's mom. All blue...very blue."

That did the trick, by the way. Po laughed. Lala cackled and Tipsy smiled in spite of herself. She tolerated her mother in law as much as she loved Dudley. But she still seemed very sad that we had said those things about Dudley. She moped still and one could not win over a 20 something by money. Not with a small amount anyway.

Po took out her 'aquamarine' dress and considered herself in the mirror. Tipsy refused tea and then refused to munch on anuything offered her. Lala was a tad guilty but was feeling better after her talk with Lanky wherein she had all but torn poor Pumpy's husband apart. After refreshing herself with a cup of tea she sat down to read a research paper she had to submit over her vacation. The phone rang.

"I am quite bored here Hon", Tipsy complained. "And I miss you so."

Dudley said something on the other side. It sounded like something insignificant and quite obvious. But Tipsy agreed. Then Dudley asked to speak with Lala. We could hear that from the speaker of her phone mostly because we were frozen and quite creeped out by Dudley's sense of timing. It would appear he lacked one more sense in addition to a sense of humour.

Tipsy shoved the phone at Lala's face with a hurt look. Lala took the phone gingerly and spoke, "Hi Jeej."

I do not know what they spoke about. I could not care less. But it was how Lala signed off that phone call that make me look up.

"Bye Jeej...and oh by the way, I wanted to tell you. You are the best brother in law I know of."

I caught Lala's eye. She winked. I looked at Tipsy behind her. She was beaming. Poor Tipsy. Po crept up close to Tipsy and sat down beside her. They started making plans for shopping the next day.

I imagined Dudley do a hop skip and smile the bliss of someone in the ninth cloud.