Tele Tubbies II

When it comes to Tipsy, somethings are just not right. But it might be because the age difference between the two of us is so less. Just under two years. And that apparently calls for a lot of sibling rivalry. So, while Lala and Po were quick to accept the authority of yours truly in the house, Tipsy just decided to, on principle, refute, oppose, protest, cry, be hysterical and be much martyred and quite tragical when it came to women's rights.

That brings me to the very first facet of Tipsy's great state of perpetual self pity. And trust me, Indian mothers just make things worse. At the tender age of four, a much alarmed Tipsy found mother doting over her boy and quite despairingly realised in her small brain that she was not one. Not to be outdone, she made the first landmark decision of her life, one of the most outstanding decisions ever to be taken in our family - to seek allegiance from daddy dearest. Poor unsuspecting dad bit the line with much ease and the last time I checked, women's lib in our family ran strong and Dad lay fettered at the whims of the one child he chose to dote over. Serves him right!

But having a competing sibling is in itself quite an amusement. For one thing, Tipsy copied whatever I did and followed me around and repeated what I said and even tried on my clothes. She still covets my stuff dearly. Imagine my state, having to be quite ingenious with hiding places till at last I started calling her Dobby (of Harry Potter fame) which seemed to have snubbed the want but flared innumerable women's lib fires. It's a wonder that I have survived thus far; what with all the hostilities at home.

Lala and Tipsy were the logical playmates though I maintain to this day that Lala, being quite fragile, and opportunistic at the same time was quick in realising that it was better to be in my good books than Tipsy's. I suppose their tiffs really helped, for, what kind of a brother would I be if I did not capitalize on these golden opportunities. If I was the Tom then she was definitely the Maggie in our family. As for Lala, she had her hands full with two bullies for a brother and a sister.

I remember so many stories of Tipsy that I could fill a volume. But one thing must be said of Tipsy. She is quite gregarious and goes out of her way for her various friends. Her friends were as varied in size and shape as they were in the variety of mind. I particularly have had the honour of personally knowing a lot of them and suffice it is to say that I still am haunted by many in their varied ways. I remember this conversation over the phone with her friend 'long earrings'.

'Tipsy. I am feeling complicated.'

'Hmmm...I understand.'

'I am having this complex feeling for someone I have not yet met or seen.'

'Hmmm...I understand what you mean. It must feel so complicated.'

'You know what..you are such a solace. I can spend so much time just talking to you. Thanks for being there for me.'

'Hey long earrings...no problem. You are a good timepass.'

Long earrings hung up.

'Oops!'

Later she came up to me looking as if she might have just committed murder.

'What happened?'

'That was Long Earrings on the phone?'

'You mean your ebulient friend with the long earrings and too much make up and funny accent and....Ouch!'

'I said something mean to her.' Then followed the explanation.

'Hmmm...but she is complicated. So just say that you wanted to tell her that you too like passing time with her but because of her overwhelming presence exuding out of the phone...ouch!... you fell at a loss of words and thus it came out the wrong way.'

I do not know what happened after that. But much later, I came to know that they are very close friends still and she even got in touch with me.

Or the time when she first started wearing makeup. Such a time it is in a girl's life. And so many hours of peace because they are out of your way, painting, tweaking, filing, pouting, smiling, grimacing, giggling away to glory in front of the mirror while you stole away with their Agatha Christies to finish the novel before them just to threaten to reveal the end and thus in return receive favours of all kinds. And while they said 'Idiot!' or 'so mean' or 'stupid!', they did have to do your bidding which included pressing your clothes or polishing your school shoes.

But with Tipsy, it was not to be. Work given her would invariably pass down to Lala who, due to her fragile nature would get Mom really worked up for enslaving a younger sibling. We did face it quite often but I must confess I was better off because Mom somehow liked to say, 'Boys will be boys.'

'You are always on his side. You are a partial mom. Such a disgrace you are.'

'Don't take that tone with me. You must see who is paying for your various needs. What does your dad know. He gets all worked up if I ask him to go to the bank to pay your fees.'

'You never say anything to him. Just because he is your son.'

'OK if you believe so. He is not arguing with me right now is he?'

'Why should he, that fox! I hate him.'

'If you call me a fox again, I shall impose brotherly sanctions and withdraw your right to tie a rakhi. Imagine. I get to keep the money meant for your gift.'

'Why is it that anyway I look at it, I am eventually the loser?'

'Because you are a girl..tee..hee.'

'Mummy!!! See what he says. Do you agree with him.'

'Don't talk to your sister like that. When we were small like you, I always loved my brother, even gave away my best share to him...not like you cats and dogs.'

LALA: 'I gave Dada my handkerchief to blow his nose the other day'

'I'll give you something too...Which of my dresses do you want?' She ofcourse meant it as an insult.

'I don't want any of your dresses...but I could do with that new scarf. I require it to tie it at the back of my bicycle.'

'You can have mine if you like Dada.'

'No, I want Tipsy's.'

'Mummy!!!! Dada wants my silk scarf to tie to his bicycle. Should I give it to him like you said? He is blackmailing me.'

And she'd gloat at me because now she'd think I'd get into trouble.

'Why don't you cut me into pieces and share it among yourselves. I don't want to hear another word. And you! I just washed all those scarves. If I see you girls misuse them you shall get it from me. You never take care of your things! Naughty girls. Look at your brother. How well he looks after his stuff!'

'So, it's our fault now! That he wants my scarf. One of these days...'

And Tipsy would stomp out to the telephone and call up her very short friend to bitch about me.

'Hi Wa...I am very sad yah!'

'What happened sweety!'

'It's my mom. She sucks. And with that brother of mine..he does not even go out much to get bashed up.'

'I know what you mean. Mom's are so partial. My brother is out all day and no one says anything. If I leave just for an hour, the questions!'

'I hate this life.'

'Me too.'